Sunday, January 30, 2011

IDK what to think...

So here’s what I thought would happen…music playing, candles lit, champagne sipped, general romance...a normal magical weekend

Here’s what actually happened…candles lit, music was confused for a phone going off, lecture given about smuggling alcohol across the border, pulls out a CPAP machine and attaches it to his face and rolls away from me…mentions something like this is what dating an old man is like…I lay there fuming, feeling half-rejected, the other half just feeling pissed that I wasted time/thought/energy into the whole thing.

But I’ve gotten ahead of myself…let’s start at the beginning

So he picked me up, we chatted a bit on the ride up…he played along with going through the IF book, we had some serious conversation about the ex-wife, what he wants, what I want, whether or not I’m a mid-life crisis (I mean seriously I had to ask)…got to the museum, wandered around, saw some cool stuff…he didn’t really seem interested…I couldn’t tell if he was just going there for me or not but he said he had a good time…headed over to the hotel, checked in…hung out there for a bit, ended up having sex (TMI alert: it was okay…he does have a smaller than average penis but makes up for it with his oral skills)…laid around and then showered changed and got ready for dinner…at dinner that’s where things started to go south in my opinion…we spent almost the whole meal not talking, like suddenly it seemed weird, forced…and then I started to worry that we’ll be like those couples that you see who don’t talk and sit at a table as if they’re sitting alone…I always feel sorry for those couples and yet here I was…so after dinner, we headed back to the hotel room. I figured it would be round two, insert aforementioned intro story here…instead he was weird about it, said he couldn’t keep up (not in a sexy I want to way, but more in an exasperated why do I need to deal with you kind of way)…so I sat stewing, wondering if this was how life was going to be and if I could deal with it…I started thinking about all the things that were kind of bothering me and they grew…I fell asleep thinking maybe I should keep looking…I had a dream that I did find someone new and that I was told that he’d love me but couldn’t buy me Uggs…I have no idea why I dreamt that…I woke up at one point and Adam had put a pillow between us…that was the last straw in my book…

By the morning, I was pretty much done…we ended up sleeping together one more time and then just a weird transition where he suddenly got up and got in the shower…I watched Sunday Morning…he kept looking at me and at his watch…at 9:20 he told me I should keep in mind check out is 11am…as if it takes me 2 hours to get dressed…so I showered and got dressed, pack things up and acted generally annoyed…in the lobby I faked a headache, he rushed out and got me Advil, I should enjoy this attention but for some reason it just really bothered me even more…the valet brought the car and we climbed in, I put on my sunglasses and stared out the window…he kept asking me what was wrong…I just told him it was the headache that bothered me, we didn’t really talk the whole ride back (other than him continually asking me if I thought we made a mistake or if I had regrets of some kind…the neediness was annoying me, I kind of felt like a bitch but I couldn’t help it)…I don’t know if I regret what happened part of me does but part of me always does when it involves some sort of physical encounter, maybe that’s all it is…as I type this post I kind of feel like I overreacted…maybe it wasn’t that bad…I mean he hasn’t dated for 12 years and his ex sounds like a crazed domineering lunatic…he isn’t used to normalcy…I have no idea how to feel right now...maybe I expected too much too quickly...I'd like to blame movies for my high expectations I think

Update: He just called me to see how I was feeling…FML why is he so nice?

To be honest I was already having second thoughts about things…I wondered how he would fit into the rest of my life…my time with the boys & our random vacation ideas, volleyball with the JFKers, work functions (of which there are plenty), my family stuff in general…I want someone who works with my life…not that I need someone who does whatever I want but I want someone who wants the same things…I don’t know what to say/do/think…

1 comment:

  1. I am just as confused as you described yourself in the post. I need time to process this in order to form some kind of opinion on it.. ummm, I may be all out of ideas on this one.. bleh!