Finally an update

So to clear things up, I have been absent for quite a while…things have been pretty busy…I’ve been traveling and hanging out…and dating…I am not mad at Neda although she says I suck and assumes that I am mad at her because I disappear off the face of the earth…it’s just something that I do 

So general updates since my last update

K is soooo over…turns out once he has a few drinks in him he’s a real asshole…no one likes the drunk asshole….and I don’t like getting mindfucked…not one bit...if you like someone you should just say so and not string them a long just seeing what happens and how much they’ll put up with 

My birthday was good…my girls totally came through and I love them for it…lots of drinks, dinner and good times…

I have started dating…like really dating a guy, like he messages me daily to see how I am and I’ve already met the friends…he’s not like any of the other guys I’ve been trying to date…there’s an easiness to it all and a comfortability I can’t really explain…I think I might have finally broken my pattern of going after guys who don’t really have an interest in me…for those of you who know me this is usually all part of the game for me…but I’m done playing…his name is Joe and it’s been about 3 weeks now so it early…but for once I have the giddy dorkiness I always witnessed but never experienced…he’s one of the kindest people I have met and I’m feeling pretty lucky…and don’t feel like bolting at all…which is also a new experience for me

Right now I am in California and it’s bittersweet…I love being home but I know that it’s not quite the same…more and more Buffalo has become an adopted home…which makes me a little sad…yesterday Chava and I woke up at 4:30am to get the perfect sunrise photos at the beach…it’s for small reasons like this that make me love her and know we’ll be friends forever…so this will always be a place I love but I’m starting to think Buffalo has become more of an home than I realize

Ummm I feel like there is more to say but I feel tapped out…

Wife, you OFFICIALLY suck!

Dear Wife,

I would like to tell you that you officially suck, and you have neglected me completely! Ummm.. I hope you have a good excuse, because I really don't wanna bring up the 'd' word! Please be kind enough to update me on the happenings in your life. 

Love,

Your wife who feels beyond neglected!

Borrrrrrrred!

I am so bored, it is not even funny! I feel like poop.. I am lazy as hell, yet TV isn't keeping me entertained. It is snowing again. Tomorrow is Monday... blah! Nick is doing homework so he can't entertain me either. Wrinkles is down and out too... ahhh.. what can I do to entertain myself??? I want to read a book, but right now that sounds like too much strain I don't wanna put on my brain and eyes.
Crap... I hate boring lazy days!

I need news from DC, please!

I Made My Own Blog

I have a personal blog now! :) It is going to be a reflection of the mess that I am. I will attempt to update it regularly, and for now I think I am going to concentrate mostly on the things I cook. I have a really hard time trying to keep my recipes organized, so maybe this will help, and maybe you guys will find some of my 'creations' delicious.

Ummm. I miss having friends, so hopefully this new blog will attract some random person in cleveland that I will automatically hit it off with. LOL. Wishful thinking.... I know!

Kim, I hope you are feeling better, and I can't wait to hear all about this DC trip?! How come I know nothing about that???

<3

Happy Valentine's Day, Dear Wife!!!

Hey wifey,

I do apologize I have acted like a jerk today, and didn't even send you flowers!! However, you have been on my mind all day, and I truly miss your face!

So please accept my gift, in blog form... and remember, you are my wife for a reason, and I love you!

I hope you had a great day!

<3

What to Do This Weekend?

So as I said last week, I need some excitement in my life. This has become a very big issue for me, because I don't have anything to do, and the days just seem to go by, as I sit on the sidelines and watch my youth slip away. At the beginning of this year I promised myself I would try to enjoy whatever is left of my 'careless' years as much as possible, but so far (a month and a half (ummm... that's over 10%) into 2011, I have changed nothing and done nothing worth blogging or writing home about!!! I am upset about this, so I am determined to change it. Whether or not that change comes this weekend - we will see... I need some ideas about what I can do on a weekend when we expect snow and temperatures below 30!
The boyfriend has been upsetting me - he is super behind on his homework, and has been staying up late at night playing video games, so as of right now, I do not plan to include him in my plans for the weekend. It is just me and the pup! what should we do?!

I miss my friends, will someone please move to Cleveland, or to like Akron, or even Erie or Pittsburgh?! pls!

P.S. I am still feeling very blah, and I am hating the fact that I don't even have the BF to hang with, because sporting events on TV and video games are apparently more important to him than spending time with me and our dog. :S *shrugs shoulders - sigh!

P.P.S. Just found out Nick got the job at Office Max, he starts tomorrow. Although I am super glad he got the job, I am also very very irritated, as that means that he will spend even less time trying to catch up on his homework, and even less time with me. Ahhh! Why is time never enough, why does it feel like I am last on his list of priorities, when I am the reason he is in school in the first place?!

:(

So I did it...

I broke up with Adam...it was surprisingly difficult...I actually cried and that wasn't something I expected to do

He told me I was sabotaging myself because I didn't believe I was good enough to have a nice guy....there may be some truth to that...I thought I was really ready to settle down and really find someone...maybe I made excuses as to why he wasn't good enough...I can't be sure...maybe he wasn't the one for me but I'm now trying to convince myself because he made a really good case...I want someone who wants to roam free the same way that I do...he told me that hanging out with my friends so much lately is what made me second guess this...is it? Maybe, but I love my friends and whomever I end up dating has to be able to mesh with them...and I just couldn't see it happening, would he stay out late, act dumb, have game night, travel around and stay piled up in hotel rooms...he told me if I figure things out to give him a call because he wants to see me but he won't force it...

I told him maybe he'll find a nice girl on match...he said he thought he did

K...

I also met a new boy named K...I don't really know what to say about the situation like I don't know if there's potential but getting drunk with him led to my epiphany about Adam...

The Friday started like almost any other...snuck out of work early, got some birthday supplies for Trisha's house, met Sugrue, decorated her place and headed to Sugrue's to bake cupcakes and grab food before the Bandits game...ok that's not like any other but you know what I mean

So we're hanging out at his place and the boys are trickling in slowly but surely...then Tim comes in with K...they work together, I immediately roll my eyes because I don't really care for K...I met him a few weeks before and he was pretty drunk and all in my personal space and I just generally wasn't a fan...so when I see him I'm not excited at all...I'm even less excited when I get stuck at the light with him as we're walking down to the arena and the other boys have left me...I'm silently cursing them when he starts up a conversation...just the basics what do I do, where do I live, blah blah blah...this is drastically different from the last week when I was outright mean to him for getting in my space...this time, uber-gentlemanly...we get to the arena, I take off and find the boys in our seats, he joins a bit later and sits in another row but I catch him stealing a few looks as I proceed to dance around with the boys...we leave the game partway through to get to Trisha's...everyone else comes after the game and we all drink and chat and have fun, K and I are chatting up a storm and it's super normal...he keeps pretty close to me for most of the night...we head out to the bars and I totally wasn't planning on going but Trisha talks me into it...so we're at the bar and K just starts talking again and we are in the corner of the bar and talking and flirting and it was ridiculous...he gave me that tingle in my spine every time he whispered in my ear and we continued to flirt...he told me he thought I was mean when he first met me but I'm actually very sweet (which is true haha) and he tells me that he wants to kiss me and that he's distracted by my lipgloss and he's nuzzling my neck has his hand on the small of my back and I have active butterflies at this point...at this moment I look at Trisha who is wasted and say I need to check on her, he grabs another drink for me after a quick friend check and a drink purchase we're right back where we were...everyone wants to leave so we head to Jim's grab food and as we're walking back he says you don't really want to kiss me do you, it was just the alcohol and I say actually I still do and he just stares at me almost like disbelief looking back I think he probably was like how did this bitchy girl turn out to be so awesome but I'm only speculating...Tim comes in at that point and the moment is over...so I end up driving him and K back to Tim's car and Tim gives me a hug and hops out...K lingers and says how great it was to meet me, I respond we've already met and he leans in and nuzzles me one more time before they take off...what's even better is he got the okay from Tim to be my facebook friend...hahah we'll see what happens...maybe something, maybe nothing but those few drunken hours made me realize that things with Adam can't go on...

Boy update 1

So Neda left me a message on gchat to get my life in gear and get back to blogging...to be honest I can't remember the last time I did...I should probably work on this...the issue is I haven't had time...I've either been working, out and about or sleeping...sometimes I update at work but I really try not to

So what has happened since the last time you ask?

Well for one Adam has become a big ball of awkward...it's weird it's like his insecurities all bubbled to the surface after our weekend in Toronto..maybe I brought them on, I'm not sure although I am pretty sure I am at least part to blame...we talked and I told him I needed some space and some time to think...he took that as everything was a mistake and I want to break up with him and all this craziness...we haven't seen each other since the Toronto trip...I've been crazy busy with work and the weather has been pretty awful...but he hasn't called and barely messages and he seems generally uninterested so I in turn am double uninterested because well that's what I do...but what's worse is that I don't really miss him at all which makes me feel bad because he is a really nice guy and he really means well...but he is constantly asking if it's okay, if he's okay, why do I like him, why did I choose him...which at first I thought was one of those "wow I'm so lucky how did she pick me" kind of deals...and now I have come to realize that it's a "I need constant reassuring that you still like me" I really can't handle that, maybe it sounds bitchy but come on dude, be a DUDE! Like I'm spending time with you, I talk to you on the phone, I keep going on dates with you...do you think I'm here for my health...I think I may have worked too hard at my life to fall into this kind of relationship trap...so I am getting out while I can...he sent me a message today that says he doesn't think I really like him anymore and I have only been waiting for the right time to break up with him (we talked on Saturday about going out tomorrow...pretty sure nowhere in there did I say I'm waiting for the end, however oddly enough now I am)

Random Update

I have nothing new, exciting, or interesting to say. Just another day in the office.. compiling analysis results into excel sheets and creating tables of results which need to go into my calc.

Ummm.. Wrinkles and I have puppy class tonight (maybe - we haven't been to puppy class in like 3 weeks due to bad weather, me getting sick, and bad weather again last week). I am hoping it will be fun. I think I am taking the Wrink to puppy daycare on Thursday, poor thing has cabin fever.

In other news.. My office at work has been invaded by an army of tiny little ants! I HATE ants! I hate them so much, that I can't concentrate on anything because I am constantly scratching myself, imagining them biting me and crawling all over me... and I am trying to kill them all, but they seem to come out of no where. :( boooo!!! I hate ants!

Well .. I leave you all with a picture of my two 'kids' laying around. As you can tell - Nick won't let me take a picture of him.. We are coming up to our 2 year anniversary and we don't have a single picture together. I have a total of like 3 actual pictures of him, and 2 of them are pictures his dad gave me, when I first went over to his parents' house. :(




P.S. I made that pressure cooker recipe on Friday - and it was delicious!!!! I don't remember it being that good - but I guess my tastes have changed since the last time I had it. The pork was so tender, it dissolved in my mouth!!! And Nick, who HATES cooked cabbage of any sort, actually had a whole lot of it!!!! He mostly ate the pork, but he also had a little serving of the cabbage and liked it! :)

I Plan To Make This Today!

I have never made this... yet. But that will change tonight. My mom makes this recipe all the time, and she just sent me it today. She bought me a pressure cooker last year, and I have yet to use it... so not only is the recipe new to me, but the whole cooking method. Needless to say I am not very hopeful about it turning out great right away, but I will definitely try.
From what I remember it is very delicious... However, I should warn you guys: it goes great w/ bread/bread sticks or dinner rolls... so if you decide to try dipping some bread in it, it may not be as waistline friendly as it looks, because bread is something I can't control myself with.
Either way, try it anyway you like... and let me know what you think.

Cabbage and Pork

2 lbs Cabbage
1.5 lbs Pork Fillet
1 Tbsp Salt (divided)
1 Tbsp Paprika
1 Cup Water
14.5 oz can of Diced/Crushed Tomatoes
1-2 tsp oil (Sunflower... but I will probably use Canola today)

Cut the cabbage in cubes - I usually half it, and then cut strips - about 1 inch thick, then cut across 1 inch thick again.
Put the cabbage in a big bowl and add 1/2 Tbsp salt to it, and 1 Tbsp of paprika. Here's the secret - crunch the cabbage through with your hands - as if kneading dough... make sure you squeeze it through pretty hard - salting it. It should get kinda wet-ish. Add the diced/crushed can of tomatoes - I prefer crushed, but when I don't have that on hand I use my magic bullet to crush the diced myself. Mix the tomatoes in with the cabbage well.
Cut the pork fillets into 1 inch strips, throw them in the pressure cooker, add the oil over them and the rest of the salt (1/2Tbsp). Cover with the cabbage and tomato mix and 1 cup of water.
Cook on medium heat until the pressure cooker 'whistles' (I have never used one, nor do I know if that is the right term to use here.. but that is how my mom described it to me). Once it 'whistles' turn the heat to low, and let cook for about 1.5 hrs.
Carefully let the steam out of the pressure cooker, make sure it is all out, and carefully unlatch the top. Open and serve.

Need Some Excitement In My Life

So, it's finally Friday.... I can't wait for the weekend! However, my weekend won't consist of anything fun.. because I have nothing planned. I am hoping Nick and I can finally go see a movie (we have been trying to go the past two weekends... but he has been busy with school and him and I were both sick... so we haven't gone yet). Anyway... what movie should we go see, if we happen to work that into our weekend schedule? What else can two people w/ no friends do on a very cold weekend, in effin' Ohio?! I am soooooo longing for some social time w/ friends... I miss having friends to hang out with, and to do absolutely nothing exciting with.. yet still have fun!
Ummm... will somebody please move to Cleveland... or at least come visit.. and make me some friends?! :(

The last couple of days have been really blah... I have been feeling pretty home sick.. I have been down and out for no apparent reason, and I hate it! There really isn't anything in particular bothering me... but I'm still all sad and emotional and irritated... I really really hate it when I get like this! What the hell can I do to feel better, when there is nothing really wrong, yet I feel like a piece of poop??

This Is What Excites Me About My Job

http://www.journalinquirer.com/articles/2011/01/31/towns/vernon/doc4d46decfabb75164792838.txt

One of our other offices' managers mass emailed the whole company this, and although it is awful, it made me smile, and it is what makes my little nerdy engineer heart beat! :)

Happy Monday... 2 hrs till I head home! :)

Clearing the House

I need to start cleaning up the house of random stuff we have accumulated in the last 2 years. We have so much junk that needs to go! However, I feel horrible throwing it all out, and have no idea what to do with it. I wanna try to sell some of this stuff for super cheap (as it is used and I am sure not many people would be interested in buying it) .. but I have no idea how and where to sell it... Some of the stuff I wanna sell (my excercise bike in particular) is very bulky, big, not in crisp condition (makes a lot of noise... but does the trick just fine)... and I don't wanna bother having to ship it, so what the heck do I do w/ it??? As I said, I feel really bad throwing stuff out, so please tell me where/how do I get rid of all this junk?!

Here are some pictures of what I am talking about:



And the playpen that Wrinkles has used twice... and is just sitting around the house collecting dust.. waiting to be tossed or something?!

IDK what to think...

So here’s what I thought would happen…music playing, candles lit, champagne sipped, general romance...a normal magical weekend

Here’s what actually happened…candles lit, music was confused for a phone going off, lecture given about smuggling alcohol across the border, pulls out a CPAP machine and attaches it to his face and rolls away from me…mentions something like this is what dating an old man is like…I lay there fuming, feeling half-rejected, the other half just feeling pissed that I wasted time/thought/energy into the whole thing.

But I’ve gotten ahead of myself…let’s start at the beginning

So he picked me up, we chatted a bit on the ride up…he played along with going through the IF book, we had some serious conversation about the ex-wife, what he wants, what I want, whether or not I’m a mid-life crisis (I mean seriously I had to ask)…got to the museum, wandered around, saw some cool stuff…he didn’t really seem interested…I couldn’t tell if he was just going there for me or not but he said he had a good time…headed over to the hotel, checked in…hung out there for a bit, ended up having sex (TMI alert: it was okay…he does have a smaller than average penis but makes up for it with his oral skills)…laid around and then showered changed and got ready for dinner…at dinner that’s where things started to go south in my opinion…we spent almost the whole meal not talking, like suddenly it seemed weird, forced…and then I started to worry that we’ll be like those couples that you see who don’t talk and sit at a table as if they’re sitting alone…I always feel sorry for those couples and yet here I was…so after dinner, we headed back to the hotel room. I figured it would be round two, insert aforementioned intro story here…instead he was weird about it, said he couldn’t keep up (not in a sexy I want to way, but more in an exasperated why do I need to deal with you kind of way)…so I sat stewing, wondering if this was how life was going to be and if I could deal with it…I started thinking about all the things that were kind of bothering me and they grew…I fell asleep thinking maybe I should keep looking…I had a dream that I did find someone new and that I was told that he’d love me but couldn’t buy me Uggs…I have no idea why I dreamt that…I woke up at one point and Adam had put a pillow between us…that was the last straw in my book…

By the morning, I was pretty much done…we ended up sleeping together one more time and then just a weird transition where he suddenly got up and got in the shower…I watched Sunday Morning…he kept looking at me and at his watch…at 9:20 he told me I should keep in mind check out is 11am…as if it takes me 2 hours to get dressed…so I showered and got dressed, pack things up and acted generally annoyed…in the lobby I faked a headache, he rushed out and got me Advil, I should enjoy this attention but for some reason it just really bothered me even more…the valet brought the car and we climbed in, I put on my sunglasses and stared out the window…he kept asking me what was wrong…I just told him it was the headache that bothered me, we didn’t really talk the whole ride back (other than him continually asking me if I thought we made a mistake or if I had regrets of some kind…the neediness was annoying me, I kind of felt like a bitch but I couldn’t help it)…I don’t know if I regret what happened part of me does but part of me always does when it involves some sort of physical encounter, maybe that’s all it is…as I type this post I kind of feel like I overreacted…maybe it wasn’t that bad…I mean he hasn’t dated for 12 years and his ex sounds like a crazed domineering lunatic…he isn’t used to normalcy…I have no idea how to feel right now...maybe I expected too much too quickly...I'd like to blame movies for my high expectations I think

Update: He just called me to see how I was feeling…FML why is he so nice?

To be honest I was already having second thoughts about things…I wondered how he would fit into the rest of my life…my time with the boys & our random vacation ideas, volleyball with the JFKers, work functions (of which there are plenty), my family stuff in general…I want someone who works with my life…not that I need someone who does whatever I want but I want someone who wants the same things…I don’t know what to say/do/think…

Maybe...

Maybe he’s busy. Maybe I’m being dramatic. Maybe it wasn’t going to work from the start…

I feel like I’m losing ground already…and there was barely any ground made…if this is the case I am SO getting drunk tonight

I didn’t even buy new underwear…where’s this all coming from?

Things are so complicated…or at least they feel that way…

So to give you an update…all in the past 24 hours, things have gone from completely fabulous to semi-ridiculous

I did buy champagne, as a surprise…maybe that’s whose fault it is…

He told me he loved me, while we were making out and like an idiot I said it back and then felt weird…because it’s too soon, because I don’t know, because people don’t act like this a few weeks in do they?

His soon-to-be ex-wife found out about us…we have mutual friends…she’s completely pissed despite having a boyfriend (including pre-separation)…she’s looking up info about me…it bugs him to a point that I think he can’t deal with it…not sure which one of us is getting the boot in this situation (this may be my own pessimism but let’s be real here---he could still love her)

They didn’t separate before the divorce…this bugs me, to a point that I don’t know if I’m a girlfriend or just a mistress…our weekend to Toronto is the same weekend she’s away in San Francisco…this made me feel more like the mistress/mid-life crisis…I went back on match last night and started looking around…I feel like him not messaging me back today is because he knows about it…

He’s pressuring me about meeting my family…I don’t know if I’m ready for it…I normally keep everything compartmentalized…and what if he thinks my family is weird…I’m protective about them…why does he want to meet them so badly?

The diamonds, rubies, sapphires, emeralds thing was probably a joke…

I’d like to really hope this is just me being dramatic

I hope we’re still going to Toronto

I hope he still likes me

I hate waiting

for

Messages

Sofia - The History of Europe | София - Историята на Европа

Still Looking for a Pen Pal?!

I thought I would quickly jump on and share this website with you guys, because I think it will definitely be appreciated by our audience (all 4 of us) :) LOL. I do apologize if this is old news to you, it sure was news to me when I ran across it today.

Happy Tuesday!

http://www.postcrossing.com/

The Dilemma

So I should give you a general update…Thursday was a scotch tasting (note to self: I don’t like scotch) but that day I also had a phone convo with Adam while I was waiting for Trisha…it was weird like I think he didn’t know what to say (we’ve been dating for like a week, talk about anything)…he just bought a new bed, but that was like the extent of convo on his side…it made me feel like he had people in the room and didn’t want to say too much, but he called me first…I don’t get it..and we set loose guidelines for the date on Saturday and he didn’t confirm on Friday/Saturday…I’m assuming the weird phone call made him not want to call again but WTF…seriously

So date number 2 with Adam was pretty successful…he picked me up and opened the car door (love stuff like that) and we headed over to the Galleria…he wanted to go to Hyde Park but considering I don’t eat steak or seafood that seemed silly…we opted for Cheesecake Factory instead…he dropped me off at the door and went to park…it was a two hour wait…that’s a negative for me…cheesecake is delicious but I shouldn’t almost die of starvation waiting for it…so we went across the street to Bar Louie…it have TVs…those of you who know me know this is an issue…I had ADD (self-diagnosed)…I can’t help it…I fought it off for the most part but there were a couple of times that I got caught watching the basketball game instead of paying attention to what he was saying…I did have two really delicious strawberry vodka/champagne types of drinks…they were wonderful…dinner conversation was good…he brought up the aforementioned awkward phone call…he didn’t really explain it but said that he was sorry he was awkward…meh whatevs…I hate the phone anyway

So afterward we went to the movies…he of course paid again (seriously a girl could get used to this)…saw the Dilemma…does Vince Vaughn ever play anyone but himself? I can’t be sure but every character is the same which leads me to believe they are all real-life him…even still the movie was good, I could see that Adam was attempting to hold me hand…so I made sure my hand just rested on my leg and after a few failed attempts he finally swooped in to close the deal…the good part…he also knew when to stop holding my hand…I mean seriously you can only do it for so long until you feel like your hand is on fire…or sweaty…sweaty is much worse…so he switched to the full arm around the shoulder deal…I definitely didn’t hate it

You can tell I’m very anti-PDA because in the dark I’m all for being touchy-feely because I think it’s personal and I don’t like drawing attention to myself…I say this because once we were back out in the mall Adam grabbed my hand and I went along with it but simultaneously was looking for an out…it’s not like I don’t like him I just am not a fan of PDA, no matter how small. So he went out to get the car and picked me up at the door (still really love this)…and we headed back to my house.

Once we were in my driveway he gave me a look that said he was going to kiss me and well I was happy about it…so we made out for a bit…he hinted that he would like to come up, I told him my mom was sick so that was a no-go and we continued to hard core make out in the car for a bit…somehow and I don’t know when this happened but he totally gave me a hickey…much to my horror…and a giant one at that!! Like seriously who does that? I think it might have been because I joked about keeping options open and he was clearly marking territory…it’s the kind that cover-up doesn’t cover…

I'm not sure he realized he did it...I noticed as soon as I walked in the house so I took a photo and messaged it to him with WTF on it....he apologized....but still...in the words of my homegirl BP "Who over the age of 19 gives hickeys?"....clearly that guy...so I am wearing scarves at work all week.

The most hysterical part….the next morning I’m semi-horrified to show my mother so I avoid it…she sees it and says OMG when did you burn yourself (completely serious…she clearly doesn’t believe her daughter would semi-hook-up in the backseat of a car…and I proceed to say “Oh it was the flat iron last night, didn’t you see it already?”