Boy update 1

So Neda left me a message on gchat to get my life in gear and get back to blogging...to be honest I can't remember the last time I did...I should probably work on this...the issue is I haven't had time...I've either been working, out and about or sleeping...sometimes I update at work but I really try not to

So what has happened since the last time you ask?

Well for one Adam has become a big ball of awkward...it's weird it's like his insecurities all bubbled to the surface after our weekend in Toronto..maybe I brought them on, I'm not sure although I am pretty sure I am at least part to blame...we talked and I told him I needed some space and some time to think...he took that as everything was a mistake and I want to break up with him and all this craziness...we haven't seen each other since the Toronto trip...I've been crazy busy with work and the weather has been pretty awful...but he hasn't called and barely messages and he seems generally uninterested so I in turn am double uninterested because well that's what I do...but what's worse is that I don't really miss him at all which makes me feel bad because he is a really nice guy and he really means well...but he is constantly asking if it's okay, if he's okay, why do I like him, why did I choose him...which at first I thought was one of those "wow I'm so lucky how did she pick me" kind of deals...and now I have come to realize that it's a "I need constant reassuring that you still like me" I really can't handle that, maybe it sounds bitchy but come on dude, be a DUDE! Like I'm spending time with you, I talk to you on the phone, I keep going on dates with you...do you think I'm here for my health...I think I may have worked too hard at my life to fall into this kind of relationship trap...so I am getting out while I can...he sent me a message today that says he doesn't think I really like him anymore and I have only been waiting for the right time to break up with him (we talked on Saturday about going out tomorrow...pretty sure nowhere in there did I say I'm waiting for the end, however oddly enough now I am)

IDK what to think...

So here’s what I thought would happen…music playing, candles lit, champagne sipped, general romance...a normal magical weekend

Here’s what actually happened…candles lit, music was confused for a phone going off, lecture given about smuggling alcohol across the border, pulls out a CPAP machine and attaches it to his face and rolls away from me…mentions something like this is what dating an old man is like…I lay there fuming, feeling half-rejected, the other half just feeling pissed that I wasted time/thought/energy into the whole thing.

But I’ve gotten ahead of myself…let’s start at the beginning

So he picked me up, we chatted a bit on the ride up…he played along with going through the IF book, we had some serious conversation about the ex-wife, what he wants, what I want, whether or not I’m a mid-life crisis (I mean seriously I had to ask)…got to the museum, wandered around, saw some cool stuff…he didn’t really seem interested…I couldn’t tell if he was just going there for me or not but he said he had a good time…headed over to the hotel, checked in…hung out there for a bit, ended up having sex (TMI alert: it was okay…he does have a smaller than average penis but makes up for it with his oral skills)…laid around and then showered changed and got ready for dinner…at dinner that’s where things started to go south in my opinion…we spent almost the whole meal not talking, like suddenly it seemed weird, forced…and then I started to worry that we’ll be like those couples that you see who don’t talk and sit at a table as if they’re sitting alone…I always feel sorry for those couples and yet here I was…so after dinner, we headed back to the hotel room. I figured it would be round two, insert aforementioned intro story here…instead he was weird about it, said he couldn’t keep up (not in a sexy I want to way, but more in an exasperated why do I need to deal with you kind of way)…so I sat stewing, wondering if this was how life was going to be and if I could deal with it…I started thinking about all the things that were kind of bothering me and they grew…I fell asleep thinking maybe I should keep looking…I had a dream that I did find someone new and that I was told that he’d love me but couldn’t buy me Uggs…I have no idea why I dreamt that…I woke up at one point and Adam had put a pillow between us…that was the last straw in my book…

By the morning, I was pretty much done…we ended up sleeping together one more time and then just a weird transition where he suddenly got up and got in the shower…I watched Sunday Morning…he kept looking at me and at his watch…at 9:20 he told me I should keep in mind check out is 11am…as if it takes me 2 hours to get dressed…so I showered and got dressed, pack things up and acted generally annoyed…in the lobby I faked a headache, he rushed out and got me Advil, I should enjoy this attention but for some reason it just really bothered me even more…the valet brought the car and we climbed in, I put on my sunglasses and stared out the window…he kept asking me what was wrong…I just told him it was the headache that bothered me, we didn’t really talk the whole ride back (other than him continually asking me if I thought we made a mistake or if I had regrets of some kind…the neediness was annoying me, I kind of felt like a bitch but I couldn’t help it)…I don’t know if I regret what happened part of me does but part of me always does when it involves some sort of physical encounter, maybe that’s all it is…as I type this post I kind of feel like I overreacted…maybe it wasn’t that bad…I mean he hasn’t dated for 12 years and his ex sounds like a crazed domineering lunatic…he isn’t used to normalcy…I have no idea how to feel right now...maybe I expected too much too quickly...I'd like to blame movies for my high expectations I think

Update: He just called me to see how I was feeling…FML why is he so nice?

To be honest I was already having second thoughts about things…I wondered how he would fit into the rest of my life…my time with the boys & our random vacation ideas, volleyball with the JFKers, work functions (of which there are plenty), my family stuff in general…I want someone who works with my life…not that I need someone who does whatever I want but I want someone who wants the same things…I don’t know what to say/do/think…

I hate when I get like this...truth is I am uber-lame

So....I'm already talking to a new guy, his name is James...it's been about a week and of course in typical me fashion I am smitten...

Stats:

Name: James
Age: 35
Children: yes, one, with the ex
Hair: Brown
Eyes: Brown
General: Super Hot! Like unbelievably so...I keep thinking I'm going to be punked
Hometown: Florence, Italy

We e-mail pretty frequently (yes I realize in a week, who can really say frequently?) but ok like almost every day...I sent him an e-mail 2 days ago and he hasn't e-mailed yet...and it's killing me...I have no idea why...it's like every action and non-action has an effect on me...I hate when I'm like this...but I love the stories he tells about his life (and he tells me how amazing I am--who doesn't love that?)

And yes, this is who my facebook status was about....again because I am lame

It's about five degrees in my office...I'm under a blanket

So this weekend was random…I decided I have been lame for way too long…I realized this when I was laying on the couch watching a Law & Order Marathon instead of going out and doing something…I’m pretty sure I was just wasting away the day which is nice sometimes, but I’m definitely in a funk…it’s this winter blues business…I’m pretty sure I need some more sun and warmth in my life…but I digress…

So started my Friday going to Bada Bing for happy hour…a place I never thought I would see the inside of but because Jess wanted to meet a police officer or fire fighter (and apparently this is where they all hang out), being a good friend I accompanied her…I had my doubts though….turns out the place has decent looking guys for about an hour and then it completely empties out and only dumb girls are left there…so we hung out for a few drinks, surveyed the scene and then left for dinner…after  dinner I went home because well I’m apparently an old woman…I hopped online and checked my e-mail and got the world’s longest e-mail from this guy I am semi-chatting with…his name is James, 35, he’s originally from Italy, really cute…so that was entertaining…

Saturday ran a few errands…told myself I was going to the gym (I didn’t)…started snowing pretty hard so I came home and sunk into my place on the couch (notice the lameness here)….called Jess and Trisha for a movie night….Jess bailed cause it was too cold…so Trish and I went to see The Fighter…such a good movie!! And Mark Wahlberg is super cute! Afterward, we went to McGarretts and hung out with Sugrue and his bartender friend Tabitha who is nice but…the Judgement Twins came out and we decided she is like Charlize Theron on Arrested Development…you’d have to watch the episodes to understand.

Sunday I was going to be lame and do nothing….luckily Trisha called and made me go out for the game with the boys…this led to a night of being ridiculous in Tully’s…planning our bucket list of trips…talking about my ridiculous blind dates, the boys latest ski escapades, young girls and all sorts of randomness. I was glad I went out…

This morning I woke up extra early just to get my body used to it because I am going back to the gym and getting back on track with life…I might have to tan or something to get the vitamin D...but I gotta get back to normal